Bad Things and Weird Things Come in Waves
First, I cannot drone on about anything until I weigh in on the tradegy that is New Orleans. My words are not necessary to describe the horror and pathos. I only urge any and all readers to find the relief charity of your choice and donate. These people need what ever help we can give.
I would also point out that, as Molly Ivans said in her column, there are consequences to the actions that our political leaders take. The Bush administration's decision to undertake a misguided and ill informed adventure in Iraq has had no end of negative consequences, and has done little to truly advance the cause of freedom or human happiness. In Iraq, it has created chaos, a quagmire and a strategic disaster of incalcuable proportions. It has fanned the flames of international terrorism. Combine that with a rabid and fiscially irresponsible program of tax cuts and benefits for the wealthy and we have exactly what you would expect, rising poverty,greater international insecurity, more people uninsured for health issue, and a crumbling infrastructure that left 500,000 people and one of America's great cities to the mercy of a forseeable natural disaster.
We are saddled with the incompetent, performing the inexcusable, in a manner inept, that seems to only serve the very wealthy, at the expense of the poor, and at the expense of our honor as a nation and a people.
They must go.
On the home front, the ex just invited me to accompany her and my daughter on a vacation. Just the three of us.
Another "huh?" moment.
Four years ago, when my ex left me, she was in a huge hurry. Made the decision while in rehab, never moved back in, filed for divorce the very week she left. She had met a guy in rehab, part I am sure of the driving force, but clearly she was in a take no prisoners mode on her way out the door.
She smashed our life, our family and my heart, like a hurricane coming thru the town. I begged, I pleaded.
I was told she wanted nothing to do with me.
Four years later. I am remarried, she has a boyfriend. We are civil, even friendly around my daughter. We try to be helpfull, she is taking my dog while I am on honeymoon, we both work hard to honor each other's requests.
That makes sense to me. We bury our issues and focus on our daughter and get on with life.
Its just that she keeps pressing these boundries, and for the life of me I cannot figure out exactly why. I know that part of it comes from a desire to give my daughter the best, and maybe an idea that she would love a vacation with mommy and daddy. Part I know comes from a place of guilt.
But it does not all add up. She wants something. I can feel it, not just in this one thing, but in a lot of other strange stuff that creeps into our interaction. I feel some attempt at connection, some other thing boilig around under the surface of her subconcious.
I have come to terms with what happend, and have moved on, found love and a new life. I am happy. But I am still very aware of the fact that this other woman was my wife, we shared life and bed for a decade. There are cords in my heart that still can bind, my feelings are still complicated and as such my actions with her require the most rigiorous self-examination. I am very carefull and very aware.
I would never, never put my wife thru that, me off with the ex and the kids and her at home. Never. Even in the best of situations it would be cruel and inconsiderate.
But I would never put myself in that situation, either. The two of us, on vacation, with daughter, in close proximity? Feelings are bound to get confused and conflated, with predictable (or dramatically unpredictable) results. At best it would be a series of awkward moments, likely to open old wounds. At worst it would result in actions that would even more confuse, leading to more drama and tradegy.
But in that, I am pretty sure that my ex is not malicious, or plotting or devious, at least not on a thinking level.
I will write more on this later. It needs examination.
I would also point out that, as Molly Ivans said in her column, there are consequences to the actions that our political leaders take. The Bush administration's decision to undertake a misguided and ill informed adventure in Iraq has had no end of negative consequences, and has done little to truly advance the cause of freedom or human happiness. In Iraq, it has created chaos, a quagmire and a strategic disaster of incalcuable proportions. It has fanned the flames of international terrorism. Combine that with a rabid and fiscially irresponsible program of tax cuts and benefits for the wealthy and we have exactly what you would expect, rising poverty,greater international insecurity, more people uninsured for health issue, and a crumbling infrastructure that left 500,000 people and one of America's great cities to the mercy of a forseeable natural disaster.
We are saddled with the incompetent, performing the inexcusable, in a manner inept, that seems to only serve the very wealthy, at the expense of the poor, and at the expense of our honor as a nation and a people.
They must go.
On the home front, the ex just invited me to accompany her and my daughter on a vacation. Just the three of us.
Another "huh?" moment.
Four years ago, when my ex left me, she was in a huge hurry. Made the decision while in rehab, never moved back in, filed for divorce the very week she left. She had met a guy in rehab, part I am sure of the driving force, but clearly she was in a take no prisoners mode on her way out the door.
She smashed our life, our family and my heart, like a hurricane coming thru the town. I begged, I pleaded.
I was told she wanted nothing to do with me.
Four years later. I am remarried, she has a boyfriend. We are civil, even friendly around my daughter. We try to be helpfull, she is taking my dog while I am on honeymoon, we both work hard to honor each other's requests.
That makes sense to me. We bury our issues and focus on our daughter and get on with life.
Its just that she keeps pressing these boundries, and for the life of me I cannot figure out exactly why. I know that part of it comes from a desire to give my daughter the best, and maybe an idea that she would love a vacation with mommy and daddy. Part I know comes from a place of guilt.
But it does not all add up. She wants something. I can feel it, not just in this one thing, but in a lot of other strange stuff that creeps into our interaction. I feel some attempt at connection, some other thing boilig around under the surface of her subconcious.
I have come to terms with what happend, and have moved on, found love and a new life. I am happy. But I am still very aware of the fact that this other woman was my wife, we shared life and bed for a decade. There are cords in my heart that still can bind, my feelings are still complicated and as such my actions with her require the most rigiorous self-examination. I am very carefull and very aware.
I would never, never put my wife thru that, me off with the ex and the kids and her at home. Never. Even in the best of situations it would be cruel and inconsiderate.
But I would never put myself in that situation, either. The two of us, on vacation, with daughter, in close proximity? Feelings are bound to get confused and conflated, with predictable (or dramatically unpredictable) results. At best it would be a series of awkward moments, likely to open old wounds. At worst it would result in actions that would even more confuse, leading to more drama and tradegy.
But in that, I am pretty sure that my ex is not malicious, or plotting or devious, at least not on a thinking level.
I will write more on this later. It needs examination.
posted by Maurice_Basilius at 1:27 PM
2 Comments:
I think your ex has always been insecure, and this is her way of asking for a testament of what she was to you, even though she probably doesn't realize it.
Was this what you wanted my insight on?
To imply that she is malicious on subconscious level does nothing to recommend her character, either.
Welcome back.
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