Happy Solstice to all you Pagans

Tonight is the Summer Solstice, a big holiday for all the Wiccans, Pagans and Druids among us. Somewhere tonight, happy covens are dancing around bonfires, casting spells and doing whatever it is that good witches do. Not my cup of tea, but I am a firm believer in respecting my neighbor's traditions, so here is a big Blessed Be to all you witches and warlocks out there on your big night, many happy returns.

Wife is on a return flight from LA, she is getting in late, I don't expect to see her for a bit, but I am waiting up for her, and to pass the time Uncle Maurice will tell you all a bed time story.

Now we all know that fairy tales begin "Once upon a time.." and sea stories begin with "This is no shit!", but this is a true story, children, a story of the absurd situations one can get ones self in when we plot to deceive and immerse ourselves in sexual peccadilloes.

When I first moved to California, I was 30 and in a sexless marriage. The first ex wife had put me on the once a quarter program soon after our son had been born and pretty much kept me there. In a million other ways she downplayed her sexuality and our sexual relationship, leaving me a very frustrated and angry (an immature) young man. So I did what any red blooded American in denial of his situation and too scared to face consequences...

I hooked up with the 21 year old brunette firecracker admin that worked down stairs.

Now, I can claim that she perused me (she did) but I made it real easy for her. She would come to my office and flirt, I would flirt back. We would trade notes and went to lunch, etc etc. In no time I was asking her out for a drink, and in no time we were dating, then screwing like rabbits.

Lets call her Jean.

The situation was perfect. My job was over an hour away from my home, her place was five minutes from the office, and I had a job that took up evenings and Saturdays. Of course, not as many as I was claiming to my wife. It was perfect, work all day, stop by after work for a little after work work out, some nights then get home by 8, some nights, well honey I had to really work late. On Saturdays, go in early , get a little work done, then over to Jean's place for a good morning fuck and a day spent hanging out. Jean had me on the once a day plan, and when we could, the twice a day plan.

To be fair, I think she was in love with me. And to be fair, I think I was in love with her. To be even more fair, she was barely 21, a few years out of high school working her first job. The person mostly at fault here was me. I am pretty sure that if I had faced my feelings honestly right up front and had been honest with my wife, we could have divorced honestly and maybe Jean and I could have stood a chance. As it was, honesty was on holiday and we finally ended in pain and disaster.

I remember much later, a friend telling me just how obvious it was that we were an item. When I questioned her as to how she (and apparently everyone else) knew, she told me that it was the way Jean looked at me, clearly she was in love.

Ok, bottom line, she and I went at it hot and heavy for eight months, and while I though I was in love and I WAS completely addicted, I also knew that the situation was untenable. In April of that year, I went to Europe on business for two weeks. When I got back, things had changed.

Now, nothing you could put your finger on, we still saw each other and it felt the same, but she began to be less available, and at the same time she was spending more time with one of my co workers, a 40 something manager who was recently separated from his wife. Alarm bells, anyone?

One day after work the resident office unofficial social director arranged a happy hour. This happened pretty frequently and Jean and I were used to managing being around each other and not being too obvious (or so we thought).

Now I have to take a minute and describe Val. She was another Admin at the office, 26, blonde, face like an angel, built like a playboy bunny, libido like a porn star. She was in the middle of a separation and clearly on the hunt, she also liked living dangerously. She and Jean talked, so in all likelihood she knew about us and knew details.

So I get to the happy hour late, everyone is around a table. Jean makes a point of sitting next to this coworker, they had driven over together, and even an idiot could tell something was going on. I was across from them, and Val was sitting next too me. I was NOT a happy camper, but at the same time I could not even seem to be upset or starting something, I had to hold it together. I entered into the conversation like everything was normal.

So there I am chatting away with the group..

..when I felt a hand on my leg, rubbing it up and down.

Seems that Val was on the prowl.

Holy shit.

So there I am, my wife and kids at home, my girlfriend is sitting with another guy that may very well be my replacement, I am trying to not react to that and now Val is playing with my leg.

And I am getting a hard on.

And there are enough co worker witnesses around that any misstep was going to have employment consequences.

Holy shit, Batman.

So what I did was to keep talking, keep holding it together. I looked at Val, she was grinning from ear to ear. I just kept talking.

Actually I was doing pretty well, that is until her hand moved between my legs and started to gently massage the boys.

At that point, in mid sentence, I gasped. And kept on talking.

Now at this point, Jean figured out what was going on (like no one else did?). She got up and moved to the now empty seat on my left (Val was on my right), sat down, winked and began to play with my other leg. Blonde to the right, brunette to the left, and two hands working back and forth, both getting to the boys, but never at the same time.

I kid you not, this is the god's truth.

In other circumstances I would have been the happiest guy alive. As it was, I was in way over my head and knew it.

"Val, lets go get appetizer for the group"

Whew

We went to the app table and talked. I told her sweetly to back off. She was direct, "she is moving on, Maurice, and I want some..Don't be stupid"

Me "Maybe you are right, but I have to figure this out"

Val "Ok, your loss."

At that point, we went back loaded with food, but the party was breaking up. Jean wound up having me drive her home where we jumped into bed and started fucking like rabbits. Val would up taking the co worker home, she tried to jump his bones, but he was not interested, he had a thing for Jean and apparently she had not been exactly truthful with him about our status.

Yikes.

Needless to say, by summer it had all ended badly. Jean had had enough of waiting, and wanted something, anything to call her own. She started using the co worker to force my hand, but in the end made promises to his heart that she could not break. She dropped me and went on to the coworker, and I had the unimaginable pain of watching her be with him the exact same way she was with me, except it was more in the open. Unfortunately for them, the workgroup was not as kind to them as it had been to us. It is a strange fact that while the work "tribe" seemed to accept Jean and I as a couple, it totally rejected the relationship between Jean and the Coworker. Probably because we had been more discreet, probably too because we had been closer in age, maybe because, as my friend said, all you had to do was look at our eyes and it was clear we were in love. By August she had to quit her job and he was demoted. They married later that year, and three years later were divorced.

Jean broke my heart, and in that heartbreak, my marriage finally crumbled into dust. I had truly fucked myself, there was no refuge at work or at home, and that was a hard summer. I moved out in July, a year later my ex was off to Texas with my daughter and my son and I were settled into the Courtship of Eddie's father. It was years before that wound closed, and frankly I am not sure it healed until the disaster of my later life finally broke and remade me.

And Val? Well, later, when I was single we had a few flings. The sex was amazing, and there was a lot of animal attraction, but we could never get it together. She was always up for sex, at her place, in the car, in my office late at night, but never wanted to go on a date. I am not sure exactly why. Val lived on the edge, severely damaged by events in her early life that she shared with me but that I will not share, out of respect. I will always think fondly of her.

Such is the tragicomedy that we create when we leave our integrity at the door.