Twilight Zone

Submitted for your approval.

AJ liked the Saga of the Sea, has encouraged me to do more of that, six years makes for a lot of stories. Once again, very early in the AM, guys still rule at 5:00 am. I am getting up early a lot these days, spend an hour talking to the guys in India, do morning e-mails and reports and get a start on the work day.

After this it is off to workouts, first with swords and then at the gym. Rapiers are light, but holding three to four feet of steel in the proper position for the duration of a bout is very tiring on a specific set of muscles in your shoulder. You can be as in shape as you like, but unless you build up the right muscles, you very quickly fall apart right at the top back of your right shoulder. Rapier fighting is all about being quick at the right time and patient the rest of the time. It doesn't' t work if your arms are turning to jelly.

Ok, so visual image time. I am about 5' 10", broad shouldered, long torso with short legs (I am taller than Fiancee, but my legs are actually shorter than hers). Like a lot of guys my age, I tend to belly fat and fight it like hell, with varying degrees of success. By 40, the hair on the side of my head turned grey and I lost a lot of it up on the top. The year after the Ex bailed I picked up weight. Pictures from that time show a balding somewhat pudgy guy, not soft, more like an overweight mechanic.

Some guys enter their 40's looking like Mel Gibson. They are what the gals call HAWT. Not me, at least not visually. When I was single in my 30's I turned heads. Honestly, not so in my 40's, not like I used to. Gals like flat stomachs, muscles, lots of hair, Lamborghinis ( am I spelling that right?). My guess is that my Shipmate AJ gets heads rotating. But I have seen those pictures of me, it was not pretty.

As recounted earlier, one fine New Years day I got sick of it and started to beat myself back into shape. The last act of that process was instigated by the Fiancee. She likes bald guys, and one day early on asked me to shave my head. I said what the fuck, my barber had been pushing me that way for a while.

So I did, and today sport the Vin Diesel look (not quite that good, Vinny, but you get the picture). So gym time, bald head and an upgraded wardrobe are now part of the picture. It works. Fiancee loves it, random women are once again gawking. Down side, I look like the guy most likely to pop a cap in your head, which is not me at all, but does get me some strange looks from the Redwood City Police, especially driving around with my son in his rebuilt 88 Camero.

Ok, so the point. The Ex has commented on several occasions that she liked my hair the way it was. It isn't just what she says, but the body language, the tone, as if she still had some say over what I look like, as if we were still married. I normally ignore these comments, or tell her in a friendly way that I like the look, then move on.

Yesterday, I dropped the daughter off at her place. So there we are, Daughter, Ex and Ex's new live in boyfriend (who is a nice enough guy, eccentric, but a surgeon and seemingly responsible and harmless, though clueless as to what he is in for with her). Pleasantries and Daughter logistical details are exchanged. Then, my Ex comes over and rubs the top of my head.

Now everyone does that. You do the bald thing, you get rubbed. Ces't la vie.

Me: " It works, you get to my age, you either have all your hair or you shave it off."

Her: " You have hair!" Turns to boyfriend, who looks a bit uncomfortable " He could get that hair replacement surgery. What does it cost?".

Boyfriend "Mumble Mumble...."

Me: " Well, I like it, it works. The ladies seem to like it."

Her: (With daughter right there, big shit eating grin) "That is because you look like a big penis!"

Now she is laughing, thinking that she has just cracked a great joke. The boyfriend is speechless.

I am thinking "As opposed to looking like a 47 year old cum slut wanna be?"

All I do is smile. Daughter goes over and starts whacking her mom on the ass, spanking her for being bad.

The moment ends, I move to the door. Say good bye, hug and kiss the Daughter.

I take teasing well, and I know that in her heart, she is just teasing. What is disturbing is that she is clueless about the context. Daughter does not need to hear this. Boyfriend is already dealing with a complex situation..if he loves her he cannot miss that I am the guy that was sleeping with her for a decade..no one wants that in their face, no matter what the situation. Me, well, sexual banter of any type is the last thing I want with the woman who told me she "did not want to be around me."

I suppose it is one of those things in life. I cannot control it, cannot change it and must, for the sake of my daughter, endure it and remain on the best possible terms with ex. It is a lesson in personal growth.

But, as the old lady says.

Oy Vey.