My bloging friend Clairbell got me thinking again.
Online dating.
What a fiasco.
I have been married or involved most of my life since 24. My only opportunity to try the online thing was about a year after the last divorce until I met the wife. Actually, during that time, I tried a lot of avenues in dating, and I must start with the disclaimer that in general I found dating pre 30's to be a pretty normal and natural thing, post 30 to be a grown man's paradise and post 40 to be a trip to the twilight zone. Perhaps my feelings on the on line thing are colored by the general state of dating in your 40's.
Match and the like is as close to pure bullshit as you can get. With the extensive photospreads, inane essays and laundry lists of requirements you pretty much are only going to be successful if you are a person who has great "curb appeal". For guys, that means: Six figure plus salary (check) athletic and trim ( check and not so check) no kids (not check), no ex wives (not check)sports car (not check) all your hair (not check) looks like JFK Jr. ( way not check). For women, it is the trifecta of tits and ass, Jennifer Anisten face and Angelina Jolie fighting trim.
If you are not in that narrow range, you can fugettaboutit. This is not the bitter rant, frankly I did very well in the dating world all things considered, it is just that like most people I do not, nor ever have, fit into the Ken and Barbie gold standard. Those that do, Match away. For those that don't, attraction is more about the entire person, and that you can only get in person, not out of a catalog.
Of course, there is also the Match Windage Factor, the difference between the profile (single, fit, beautiful, successful, fun, balanced, hottie) and the actual person (married, fat, homely, employment challenged, baggage loaded, freak). Several amusing little scenes were played out in my life that way, though from what I hear what is amusing on the guy's side can be downright heartbreaking or infuriating for the gals.
An aside, if hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, then hell is a holiday picnic compared to a woman scorned by her husband for another MAN. Met one of those, very, very scary.
So put your profile on line and have fun, but expect to spend more time passing winks and emails than actually finding anyone to relate.
Craigslist and the like are a bit more interesting, if only in that you are limited in your add and so, as a consequence, everyone is required to spend a little time trading emails and perhaps meeting to figure each other out. With craigslist, I actually wound up meeting people and going on more second and third dates. It was fun.
I actually had some near success that way. One woman I remember, a 40 something never been married Julia Butterfly type and I seemed to hit it off, and after our second date there were some sparks flying. But, her life was heading in a direction that mine was not, and after a month she fell off the map.
Another time I asked a gal out to dinner for our meetup date, a very nice place in SF. When she showed up, it was a bit of a shock, she was beautiful (and I was what she expected, we had traded pics) but she was 6' tall ( I am 5"10) Still, we had a great time and had planned to go out again early next week. Alas, before the second date she called me and told me that she was not ready for a guy with kids.
So in the end, I suppose craigslist was pretty much like my off line dating experience. Meet people, go out with people, have some fun, wade thru baggage, get laid now and again, figure out face saving ways to part company.
Until you finally meet someone.
And in the end as screwy as it gets, you do meet someone that fits and fills that place in your life that needs a lover and a friend.
Till then, let the web surfer beware!
