..And they lived happily ever after.

Does anyone really?

I think maybe this time, I just might lay claim to that particularly fairy tale ending.

Fiance and I spent the weekend together sans kids. Friday night was an indie movie, Saturday was the Giants game, Sunday was a very long hike and a housewarming party at our friend's condo in the city. Monday we returned excess wedding gifts for store credit, did some work around the house while my son, the Master Jedi of the BBQ, prepared some scrumptious ribs. We had plenty of exercise, good wine, naps and hot sex. We also mapped out our near term life plan, which mostly involves having a fun summer, staying on in this house for one more year and going to Belize for our honeymoon in September.

We are also starting to map out some ideas for the rest of our life, which seems to include potential job changes for both of us, maybe a move to a smaller town where we can buy more house and spend more time in nature and less in traffic. The question of kids came up, though not the way I expected. As my readers know, I already have three, a son and two daughters, so I am not in need of any more. However, I realized pretty early on that the decision to cleave to a 37 year old woman who had never had kids and generally loves them was a decision to have more, and I am fully expecting a third family.

Strangely, the Fiance seems a bit conflicted on that account, both wanting a baby and not so sure that she wants the 20 year commitment that having a baby entails. Right now we only have my youngest every other weekend, and the two oldest at holidays (my son is soon off to his mom's and then the service). She has a pretty clear idea from those weekends that we have her the impact that a child can have on your life. My guess is that she will waver for a bit and then come to a decision one way or another in the next year, and I am fine either way.

I no longer think much about my ex, at least not for myself. I continue to have to deal with her, and do so on a friendly basis. She is and remains a bit of a loon, and some of her decisions are annoying, but she no longer inhabits the dusty, dank corners of my dreams or of my formerly broken heart.

Suprisingly, all the iinsanity seems finally, dare I say it?

Over.

Whew.

Fiance and I will be spending a life together, probably we have 40 years or so, depending, though I more than anyone know just how much that kind of projection is an illusion. We will have joy and sorrow, victory and defeat, excitement and boredom. But we will have it together, and though it will not all be happiness, we will be happy together.

For ever after.

And so, this blog will shift. Enough about my drama, there are larger themes to explore that in the end must be more interesting. From time to time I am happy to fill you in on the doings of a happily thrice married man, but I cannot believe that it would be that engaging. Happy, sober, real life is often makes very boring reading and pedantic art. I think that rather I will stimulate you with ideas, instruct you with thought and entertain you with stories.

Where to start.... Well there once was this girl named Val.....

:-)

"I Have Seen Things..."

"You people would not believe...

Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.
c-beams sparkling in the dark near the Tennhauser Gate.
All these moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain."

I remember the first time I watched "Bladerunner", it was ok as movies go, passable for most of it, somewhat more stimulating in other parts ( especially those parts where Darryl Hannah was leaping, jumping or writhing around). Nothing great, till the end, when Rutger Hauer makes his final speech, the words written above.

At that moment the entire movie is made for me, the point driven home. Bladerunner is one of my all time favorite movies, and along with Frank Herbert's Dune series and some of Lucas' Star Wars, comprises three pillars of my own personal philosophy. (There are many more pillars, just three from the realm of Sci Fi).

Every one of us gains a universe of unique experiences in the course of a life. We see things, hear things, feel things, do things. A million moments granted to each of us, a richness beyond actual comprehension, if we can take the time to get out of the noise in our heads long enough to connect to it, immerse our selves in it. Everyone of us can lay claim to the same boast made by Philip K. Dick's tragic replicant, and in it find reason enough to cling to life for as long as we are able.

That concludes this evening's philosophical dissertation.

Wedding Day

Well, as of today I have been officially married for the third time for twelve days.

How was it, you ask?

It was a glorious day.

The weather report for Marin was not promising as of the week before. I am convinced that at some point in the past four months I and six point eight million of my friends, neighbors and co workers were transported in a single night by space aliens to a location somewhere just north of Seattle.

Rain, in San Francisco in May? No way.

I am serious, I almost did a star fix just to prove that my current latitude was much farther north than it was just a year ago. Needless to say we sweated bullets all week, convinced that the beautiful ceremony on the lawn under a Chuppa was moving indoors.

Then, for reasons that I am sure have more to do with God's sense of humor than anything else, my Landlady from Austria showed up three days before to lead the attack on the mold (minor) and water problems in the house. She is a lovely lady, but having her and her home fix-it minions underfoot at T minus 72 hours had me caressing sword blades and contemplating the dark side of the force.

By Friday I had donned the breathing helmet and came close to dismembering one of the said minions, at which point the landlady, bless her heart, gave us a hug, a very nice gift and went off to visit a friend for a few days.

Dateline Saturday, May 7th, a day like all days, filled with the events that shape our time. I awake in a house full of my kids, each of us having a list provided by the Fiance, known in some circles as the "Project Manager" of items to bring and things to do. By 9:00 am we are showered, loaded, and off, stopping to get cash, bagels and coffee for the drive to Marin. Fiance and her family were already at the Inn where the Ceremony and reception were to occur. I am in the slot, in the grove, and wound tighter than a snare drum. Not worried, not nervous about the upcoming nuptials, but as is often the case, shifted by the proximity of critical events into full battle mode.

We made it to the Inn by 11:30, delivered the wine and unloaded stuff. The people at the Inn were very nice, but just a bit too casual for me, and is often the case, faced with unclear status and what I perceive as lackadaisical people, I began barking orders at anyone within earshot.

Things were gearing up to a right wonderful pitch.

Then, my Fiance's closest bay area friend came down, all sweetness and light and like the good fairy, started waving her magic wand, and things started to happen. The wine was put away, the rooms opened up, the car unloaded and the girls were sent off to be with the Bride and her female family and friends. My son came over to me and said "Dad, lets get a beer" and we walked off to the bar. A pint of good bitters later, I was sitting down and much calmer.

Whew.

When we stepped outside an hour later, the clouds had blown away and the day turned bright and warm and beautiful, with blue sky for a hundred miles in all directions. I walked to the beach with my future brother in laws and my son, we stood out there and talked for a while.

At 2:00 PM sharp, we did the run thru as the flower lady was setting up the Chuppa. Run through complete, we all retired to our respective rooms to get ready. I borrowed my son's room, and by 3:00 PM the family's were ready for the still photographs. The photographer had me stand at one end of the lawn with my back to Fiance so that he could catch the expression on my face when I first saw her in her wedding dress.

Breathtaking, she was beyond beautiful.

By 4:00, pictures were done, bride was back in the snug room, and I was on the lawn with my son to start greeting people as they showed up. As befits his sense of humor, he continued repeating, "hear we are again."

Kids. Can't live with them, can't sell them to the gypsies.

Guests trickled in, but by 4:55 every one was there and sitting in the bar, having a drink and getting ready for the big event. The mother of the bride was a bit nervous, clouds were moving back in and it was starting to look like rain again. The coordinator was a bit daft and indecisive, and one of the readers had not shown up. Things started to get a bit testy again, when the errant reader showed up right at 5:03. At 5:05, the preacher, son and I headed to the Chuppa, and that was the cue for everyone to come to the lawn. The music started, and the ceremony began.

We had written our own ceremony and vows, it had elements of Christian (me)and Jewish (her) tradition, as well as other things. The plan was for four readers. It was, I must say, a beautiful ceremony. Fiance had planned everything to a tee. We were married on a lawn in Marin, by the California coast, with our friends and family looking on, in a service that best expressed the depth of our love and commitment and joy.

The Reception was grand, eveyone had a great time. It was a blur, and too much to describe in detail. My new brother in law did the toast, then my friend Mike did a toast that was a bit of a roast and had us all laughing. The first dance that we had spend months learning went off with only a few hitches. One of the guests was an old Navy buddy of mine I had not seen in 20 years, and that reunion was just icing on the cake. One of our friends was swinging from the rafters, literally, and a whole crew ended up the evening in the bar playing darts. By 11:00 the guests had left to face a rainy drive home over a winding pacific coast road, and the family was ensconced in the snug room with a couple of bottles of wine, a fire and some good cheese to critique the day.

All in all, a perfect wedding.

Of course....

Fiance had planned everything, and every detail, except one thing. After the last reading, but before the pronouncement, breaking of the glass and kiss, I had a little surprise.

The Reverend turned to Fiance and said: "No bride likes a suprise on her wedding day, but we have one. Your new husband has written you a poem and has asked his friend, Mike to read it to you". Mike is the guy that is most responsible for our meeting, and one of my best friends.

Here is what he read:

Where were you?

I was looking everywhere for you, across oceans and deserts and the days that run into years too long to remember, except as a vague dream after a troubled and too busy night's sleep.

I knew you were out there, somewhere, that perfect mate for a soul longing to share life, that one woman that could fill perfectly that space in this one man meant only for her.

I looked, and I looked, oh I looked! Searching by sun and silver lamp, across mountains and cityscapes that glitter each night with bright promise.

Only to dim to cold morning's mundane despair.

I thought I found you once or twice, caught up in a moment of almost recognition, clinging to shadows that promised your touch, the beating of your heart full of love and life and joy for us both.

Phantoms they were, it was not you, and in folly I walked down paths best left un-trod, till in the end I came to believe that you did not exist, only an ideal that fills a poets fancy and nothing more, a vapor of words scribbled on scraps of paper, tossed out with other dreams that a man gives up as he becomes more of a man.

And then, one night, I found you.

Where were you?

It does not matter, for now we have found each other, and I know, as I have known from the first moment, that we had found..

Us.

Each night I thank God for the gift of you, and each day I am reminded, by you smile, by your laugh, by your touch.

What Joy really is.

Poets prattle, and a dictionary of words cannot say better to you that this.

You are my soul mate, I have waited a life time to find you.

I love you
And
I always will.