No More Dad Bashing

Time for a bit of a rant.

This year, while I was happily minding my own business and getting on with my life, both of my exes decided to trip off line, give in to their inner idiots and go stupid in the parent department. The upshot is that I have been left as the only functioning parent of any note for my three oldest kids...and my wife has been thrust into the role of primary female parent for all the kids.

So forgive me if I express more than a bit of disdain for those women who routinely bash fathers and their contributions, or somehow make mothers the saints in all situations.

It just is not true. Let me say for the record that parental jerkiness is an equal opportunity condition, and mothers can be just as crappy and dysfunctional. They may do it differently, but women too, can be real shits when it comes to caring for the kids.

Anyway, I now feel better.

Oldest went back to her mom's home for a few days last week to attend college orientation. Her mother was a manipulative witch and her step father has started transitioning into creepy phase.. my oldest is drop dead beautiful with a gymnasts body and apparently step dad was noticing and commenting. No action, or I would be talking to the Texas Dept of Safety. Needless to say, oldest is not going back there ever, and will be taking her to college when it starts.

More later, just wanted to rant.

Strains

Well, so far the ship of life is on an even keel, if a bit storm tossed. Oldest daughter is home with the baby today, baby still recuperating from a fairly nasty stomach bug. We all had it, starting with a panicked call from day care last Wednesday to come get baby. Middle daughter is off at a sleep away camp for two weeks, early reports are that it is a great place for an 11 year old that loves animals.

Things have been a bit strained at the ole Cataphract Barracks. We are all coping well, but having a somewhat lost and needy 18 year old underfoot while managing an 11 year old at the center of a mild disaster is not exactly conducive to a smooth first year with new mother and new infant. Fortunately, we have a lot of love to go around and wife and I have a very healthy relationship, so I predict no major damage. Still, it is crucial that we stay present with all that is happening.

One thought that continues to haunt me is the feeling that the proximate cause of this latest episode of the dark screwball comedy that is my second ex is the possibility that she was tired of not being the center of attention. I mean, really, everyone around her seemed to be doing fine. Her siblings are moving along quite well in life. My life is on a great track. My older kids are off doing their thing, even the daughter that was living with her was starting the age old process of moving away from parents into the world of adolescent peers.

All was well, no drama...which means that no one had time to pay attention to the second Ex.

Which means it was time for her to do something to bring the focus back on her.

She is quite happy now, the center of a storm of her own creation. I am talking to her every other day navigating the changes and pace of daughter's transfer to living in my home. Her family put their lives on hold to run to the rescue, spending hours each week managing the EX problem. She is in two types of therapy and already fired one of them. In the fall her husband is sending her to Paris.

Once again, it is all about her.

Oh yes, she is quite happy.

No strain there.

Black Swans

Well, I said I was done posting, figured there was nothing else to say worth saying.

I was wrong.

Nassim Taleb has written a very intriguing book called "The Black Swan". No, it is not about Pirate ships, it is about the impact of what we consider highly improbable events. He is mostly interested in stock markets and scalable phenomena, but the central thesis is applicable to a lot of life. In a nutshell, life is wayyy more random and unpredictable that we allow for or even imagine and the "improbable" is a lot more frequent than we account for in our thinking and in our planning for the comings and goings of our lives. Hence, the old adage, "life is what happens while we are making plans.."

So back in January, the Wife and I were making plans for this summer. We figured that we would have a visit from oldest daughter, frequent weekends with middle daughter, and basically a lot of time together with Wife, Baby and me. We planned a trip to Hawaii in July and I was heading to Yellowstone with my son, brother and nephew at the end of August, and all was well with the world.

Well

First, my first ex wife decided that she was not quite enough of a religious nut, and to up the ante declared that my oldest daughter was to stay home after graduation from HS, take care of Grandma and await an appropriate suitor to arrive, after which she would move into the shack next door and start popping out kids. Oldest had other plans, and in early May I went to Texas and "fetched" her. So plans changed a bit, while oldest moved in for the summer. Not a big deal, she is off to college in the fall and the plan was for her to get a job and a life in San Carlos as soon as she got back from a trip to China. I am paying for all of this, but I have the money, and frankly the first ex and her husband are a couple of broke losers. Ok, so we shift, but Hawaii is still on the map and all is on track.

Then

The crazy second ex decides to attempt suicide. I get a call one Tuesday afternoon at 5 pm from my former sister in law telling me that they just took the ex out in a gurney and that I needed to come get my daughter. Seems that this is not the first attempt, happened two years ago, but the family covered it up.

Yes, seems that she has been off her meds for the past two years, well at least the legal ones. She was on her drug of choice (codeine) right before the attempt. Fortunately, daughter was not at home and saw nothing, but she knows.

So I hired a lawyer and after a week of negotiation I have custody of my daughter and a lot of restrictions on her mom. Daughter will be living with us and going to school in SC. Plans are, obviously completely out the window.

And I will be writing some more. Stay tuned for the rest of the story.